Freedom

Nope, not getting all heavy on you here as trust me, I have (as we all do) more than enough stuff going on in my life right now without having to find time to think about something else, however, in the recent past, circumstances have changed for me and it has revolutionised my life. Its not all been good. There have been many tears and I am left in a position which I like to call 'of no fixed abode' however, it has given me a lot of time to think about what and how I want to spend the rest of my life. Which, as you might have guessed, is good.

The answers are of no consequence to you dear Bob, and the circumstances from which this position arose are almost irrelevant, but it has been, and continues to be, an extremely cathartic experience.

It may be a transitional phase - in which case expect a completely contradictory post from me in the future - but right now, its all about freedom to think, to speak and to be [me] and I found this on another blog - perverse, as it summed it up quite nicely for me..

You have probably heard the expression 'If you love something, set it free; if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was'.


But how about just living in a constant state of freedom? Allowing your human relationships [not just sexual] to flourish and grow continually by offering them complete freedom as part of a continuum.

"You are free to be with me now, as I am free to be with you. You know that if I stay it is because I want to be here. Because you are allowing me to make this decision continuously, you don't need to question my motives for being here."

In relationships with friends and lovers I genuinely think I've at least tried to offer complete freedom but within oneself? Is that attainable?

I've struggled with it all my life. I've tried to be many things to many people but expecting nothing from them. I would imagine that if I were laying on a couch right now, someone in cords would be telling me this is down to an insecurity or lack of self respect. I've tried to be one person - the forever rational, completely together, happy go lucky gal that everyone thinks I am - but I'm not. Talking with my mother at the weekend, she said I should not worry about trying to decide about which one of my [not very well hidden] multi faceted personalities I really am as I really am them all. I am hardnosed business woman, I am photographer, I am tree hugging hippy, I am giggling ship geek, I am reclusive writer. I am many things to myself and many things again to many others. Those who truly love me will accept that and once I truly acccept that I am many things, I will love myself.

Wise woman my mother :)