"Cappafrappocuppachocichino. Hold the coffee...."

'Tease' is Banchory's (that well known hub of culture & sophistication in an otherwise wild and lawless Royal Deeside dahling) newest coffee bar. I say newest but strictly, it is its only coffee bar in the true sense of the phrase. Sure there are other cafe's and tea rooms but this is the villages first tentative steps towards something cool. People over 50 are of course allowed in too but its definitely aimed at ooooh, at a wild guess - young, trendy families with 1 to 2 children named after countries or financially independent women aged 30-45 who like to meet up and giggle over Phinolas latest weekend escapade with Giles whilst planting organically grown tomato seeds on the balcony of their darling pied-à-terre. Well, what they got were a nearly forty some-thing with a 4 year old  wannabe socialite and bohemian forty something mate who were looking for decent service, sugar hit and fab coffee in the same place.

Its situated at the west end of the High Street in an old shoe shop - unrecognisable as that now due to a very nice and complete transformation by dab architects. The large windows let you see into a world of very vivid green which from outside looks a bit arghhhhhhhhhh but once you step inside, is actually not as 'in your face' and soon is not even noticable. Imagine Granny Smith apples on acid. That kinda green. The contemporary theme -  the sixties inspired black & white stripey tables and white 50's Eames style chairs clash pleasingly with dark wood counters/display unit, rock-a-billy coffee machine and chick-lit style stencilling on the walls...oh and the flooring is fab - I have decided I want it in my kitchen!

Unfortunately, due to some unforseen building reg problem, you're not allowed to sit in the window seating areas. I presume this is due to the fact that the glass is from the original shop, about 10ft high and definitely NOT safety glass. There are signs saying that it will rectified soon.

Anyway, the menu offers a dozen or so types of fresh leaf teas ranging from Breakfast to Rooibos to weird and wonderful's and they do the normal range of (Fairtrade, organic) coffee types and styles - latte, cappucino, americano etc but with the welcome addition (to any parent of a four year old that likes to do coffee)....a 'babyccino' - its essentially frothed milk with chocolate sprinkled on top (a la cappuccino) so they get all the kudos from their nursery mates for being allowed to go to Grown Ups Places but without parents having to suffer a caffeinated toddler for the next 12 hours. That gets a big thumbs up from me - not that Jnr ever got coffee but he definitely feels more part of the gang now he can drink what looks like the real thing. Its a treat to get too - the title photo is how my tea was presented to me. Check it out! Gorgeous!

The food offered - via a stylish menu and blackboards - is standard stuff: paninis, scones, traybakes, cupcakes, biscuits, sliced cakes, soup and bread...you get the picture. Its reasonably expensive at first glance (£4.75 for a standard panini, sit-in, £2.95 for soup and bread and £1.80 for a traybake) but its presented wonderfully and though we only watched others eat meals,we stuck with Victoria sponge and biccies (including organic teddy shaped biscuits for small people), the paninis looked lovely and came with side salad. None of your usual 'tuna melt' [nausea] offerings either (though you can if you are that way inclined) - no, this is buffalo mozzarella and pesto land! The cutlery is lovely. Heavy, good quality. In fact that's the general feel of the place - quality. Nothing is or has been rushed (but is still reasonably timely). They do cater for gluten free/coeliacs and is marked on the menu but at the moment, this extends to only one particular biscuit....

The owners, Stewart and Tanya, who are living a dream according to the blurb inside the menu, have been to Coffee School and so know their stuff. They are your host and hostess and though don't tend to stop and talk are more than amiable and very well presented.

So plus points:

• Bright, welcoming and relaxing
• Reasonable value
• Excellent service from knowledgeable staff
• high chair for babies
• Fab toilet facilities inc baby change room
• wonderful presentation
• Good choice
• No chintz or orange pine
• loyalty scheme - buy six, get seventh free
• stylish and fun
• parking not far away (Free parking next to hall across the road and also in council offices car park)

Not so plus points:

• a bit echo-y/noisy due to the lack of any sound absorbing features. Some funky drapes/curtains...even blinds might dull it a bit.
• possibly need another member of staff. We were in at 3pm (bit later than normal due to Mate and I having to rescue my husband who had run out of petrol [snigger][revenge is ours]) and they were leaving the order taking a little too long for my liking as they had a shop full of people but no so long that you'd think of walking out I hasten to add. One more member of staff would mean that the owners would be able to chill out a bit and customers would feel more....more...important? I mean, that's one of the key elements to getting and retaining a customer base - make them feel as though they are, at that moment in time, getting your entire attention and not worrying about how quickly they're going to manage to serve the other 5 people who've walked in behind.
• counter ordering..I'm not a big fan of this in places with limited seating. You go to counter and lose your seat..
• get the card machine working! Its cash only at the moment (cash machine over the road though) as it hadn't arrived in time for the opening.
• get more gluten free stuff in. Banchory is coeliac/gluten intolerant central!

I hope Tease succeeds. It deserves to, they are obviously trying very hard. Having spoken to other shop owners about the place (though they hadn't been in), some misgivings ref its viability due to it being 'stuck far away' (? its next to the butcher...on the High St) were raised but I don't think they're warranted to be honest. As long as they can attract the customers, they'll keep them. Its a welcome sign of life in a village that's still suffering the after shocks of a well-known garden centres multimillion pound expansion last year just outside the village that included the addition of a delicatessen, huge restaurant and cafe - they also now sell bread, clothes, gifts, cards, kitchenware and have massive amounts of parking..but very little garden stuff actually. Did they plan on killing the High St and who the feck gave them permission for that little lot?

Anyhoo - 7 out of 10 from me Tease. I'll be back :)

www.teasecoffeebar.co.uk